Tips for a psychologist How to avoid conflict between parents and children

Tips of the psychologist: how to avoid conflict between parents and children

Conflicts lie on us at every step, even in the most perfect family alone is inevitable. From this it follows that we need to learn not only how to avoid conflicts, but also to solve them. This will help minimize their risk and also solve the difficulties. What psychologists advise how to avoid conflicts between parents and children? Perhaps in families they arise most often, because the intimate space in this particular social group is much less than in all other. The topic of our article: «Tips of the psychologist: how to avoid conflict between parents and children».

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Psychologist Tips: How to Avoid Conflict between Parents and Children

Tips of the psychologist: how to avoid the conflict between parents and children in many ways depend on the floor of your child. An interesting fact that conflict with daughters arise much more often than with sons, for the reason that there is more intimate space for the daughter in communication than for a son. From this we see that conflicts by nature arise not from the fact that family members are too far from each other, but, on the contrary, from the close interaction of them. Therefore, if you have conflicts – Do not panic or blame yourself, it is entirely a normal phenomenon with which everyone faces. In order to avoid conflicts between parents and children, it is necessary to understand the essence of this concept, the causes of their occurrence, and then consider ways to decide.

How do conflicts begin? First, and above all, this is a difference of interests. At the same time, the satisfaction of the desire of one side infringes the interests of the other, in more simply, at the same time, these desires cannot be executed, and the situation arises «or… or», in which you need to take a choice towards one of the interests and desires.

In this situation there are two incorrect and one faithful way to solve. Unfortunately, most parents choose a wrong way to solve the conflict, provoking these other problems of the formation of character and education.

Consider solutions on a specific sample conflict. For example, the family must come to the family, and the mother forgive the daughter to remove in her room, to which she answers that at the moment she needs to finish the program that she should throw one of the guests, let’s say, his cousin that she promised in last time. A conflict situation arises, where each of the individuals need to fulfill their desire, with each of them must be performed at the same time.

The first incorrect way to solve the conflict, in which the parent wins. Mother orders daughters to throw an unfinished business and immediately fulfill what she said. This method carries command and aggression, only develops conflict. First, the child subconsciously learns to satisfy only his desire and suppress the desires of others that he will perform during the remaining life. Secondly, we have a child’s gold, the relationship between him and the parent is increasingly moving away and spoil. If you have similar methods to the girl since childhood, it or grows aggressive and coarse, or, on the contrary, too passive.

Tips for a psychologist How to avoid conflict between parents and children

Another non-constructive method – the child’s gain. If you give him to constantly win in conflicts and give up to him for the sake «His benefit»,That similar method «child»Egoism develops, inability to organize itself, solve conflicts in other situations, outside the family. We see that in each of the non-constructive methods of solving the conflict, the child accumulates some negative features and incorrectly forms its character, and in the future it will also solve conflicts erroneously.

The correct method is mutual compromise, winning both. In this case, psychological techniques of the active hearing are applied, «I-message» And also empathy, as the ability to compare, understand another person and put yourself in his place. In case of conflict – listen to the desire of another, take into account him in solving the conflict, guided by both wishes to be satisfied. In order to solve the conflict with the help of a compromise, you need to first estimate the objectively situation by both parties. Then, with the help of empathy, guess the desire of both sides, what decision would be better to come. The third step will compare both desires and withdraw several options for solving the problem – the bigger, the better. After that, each side chooses a conflict resolution method acceptable for both.

In this case, the parent and the child remains in winning, the conflict is resolved, also, each individuals learn to solve conflicts outside the family.

But there are other reasons for the emergence of conflicts in the family. For example, lack of understanding of the other, excessive intrusiveness, high demanding from one or the other side, violation of the personal space of the child, the concerns of the fact that the interests of one of the parties are disturbed or the possibility of satisfying one of the desires. Also conflicts arise because of the simple inability to communicate, excessive quick-temperedness of one of the individuals, inability to express their desire and explain it to another.

Being in the position of the listener – do not interrupt the other, focus on it your attention, do not grant your child’s estimates, do not criticize it during a conversation as it and solutions. Do not let the tips, show tolerance. You can apply various policy psychological techniques in order to give to understand the child that you are actively listening to it. To do this, involve non-verbal communication, gestures and facial expressions. If the listener is you, do not blame the child, say calmly, not at elevated colors, explain in detail your position and desire, taking into account the child’s desire. Show him that you understand him, at the same time, do not defend, but do not press him.

So, the advice of a psychologist: how to avoid conflict between parents and children what they are? Psychologist advises not splashing experiences and negative condition on family members. If you are not in the spirit – Try yourself to cope with your problems, not at the expense of your child or parent, producing conflict situations in this way. If you are a parent, we wake up to humiliate the child, discriminate against yourself, do not understand and hurt by his word. Insults in such cases will not only lead to conflict, but also will significantly spoil your relationship.

In any case, take your child as it is, let him understand what you want for him only the best, and also, love him very much, take his desires and position, learn to communicate, so you will learn how to all decide but also avoid conflict.

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